1. |
Intro
00:49
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okay so this is my first attempt at music so I'm sorry that it's kinda bad, and I played most of the songs with an unplugged electric guitar because I don't have an acoustic one, so sorry that it sounds shitty. Regardless, I'm still pretty proud of what I decided to make. But anyway, this album goes out to my friend Austin, he's the only person I know isn't lying to me when he says he likes my music, not to say other people are, I'm just pretty fucking skeptical, he also took the picture that I used for the album cover. I didn't make a song for him so I guess this is my bullshit way of thanking him, so thank you so much man, I really appreciate everything you've done, you're really cool. But anyways, I hope you guys like my songs, and if you don't, whatever, fuck you, at least I tried to do something with myself for once.
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2. |
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And I know, I haven’t been a good friend
And I’m so god damn pathetic
And you’ve got reason to die
But I can’t help feeling so disappointed
You say there’s no chance for change but you don’t know that
You’re just a fucking kid and can’t predict it
Why, the fuck are you alive
If you think, there’s no hope for the future
And why, don’t you try
To better yourself
So there can be
And I, don’t mean your habits
I just mean find some shit
You really enjoy doing
And not, just complaining on the internet
To some asshole you’ve never met
And I guess if nothing really changes,
Then you were right
And I guess if nothing really changes,
Then I’d like to die
And I guess if nothing really changes,
Then there’s no reason to live
I can’t live my life without hope
And I can’t pretend not to
And I really think you’d be doing something bad
If you ended up dead
But you’ve been a good friend
And I appreciate all the shit
That you’ve put up with
And you’ve helped me out
And I’ve helped you out
More than most things
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3. |
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Is it something that I've done?
I didn't mean to hurt you
you're my only loved one
what's wrong dude?
is it the weather outside
that makes us want to die
or the mundane routine
cogs in the machine
and what a crazy thing to think
living life was a bore
but we have to stay alive
we'll never find that damn day
when we go to die
and we've got an entire existence
a unique life of sentience
but we say throw it away
at least we don't complain
and I'm starting to feel
like you wouldn't care
a hopeless thought
with fire in your hair
and I'm sure the day will come to me
where I'm content with all of it
standing here on this fucking bridge
ready to cease to exist.
and what a tragedy it is
not the act but what he did to his friend
I don't think I could go through with it
no I don't think I'd go through with it
and I don't mind living life
as long as it means you're happy
I hope you know that I love you
with all of my fucking heart
and I'd like to think this bond
is something that can't begone
with a week or 2 of less me and you
and isolation from the world
but modesty may be my tragedy
cause I would love to hug you
and I would love to hang with you
and play a game or 2
well it doesn't matter what we do
as long as my side is occupied
by you
and these bullshit talks we have at night
rehashing everything we already know
never get old
and there's nothing like
verbalizing your sorrows
saying fuck the tomorrows
and blindly agreeing with each other
and god damn you saved my life
you're the only reason I don't die
so thank you dude, thank you so fucking much
for the shit you provide
and the feelings that we try to hide
I'm sorry for not doing more
I'll leave my shit at your fucking door
I know it doesn't mean a lot
but take it anyway
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4. |
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I'm so alone
I've got 2 friends
they both stay at home
and my social issues prevent me from making more
no one knocks on my door
some nights I don't wanna die
and some nights I see the hope
but then I check the time
and realize, I've got school to attend
and I look in the mirror and see someone
who gives this brain
no chance for fun
and I live in a body
that doesn't represent me
but it must
because I'm trapped in it for eternity
and I can still say with a straight face
to you that I'm lonely
while talking to my friend
and I say that I'm an asshole
but you just say no
you never gave a shit
and I really appreciate it
it's nice to feel loved
and it's nice to feel wanted
and it's nice to have someone to talk about it with
I love my friends
It's the one thing I don't regret
I used to give a shit
about school and those stupid cunts
but now I'm fine with fucking up
as long as I have you to talk about it
Then I really couldn't give a shit
cause life's too short to try
saying you wanna die
and in my reply
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5. |
Survivism
03:36
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I just wanna write a love song
well it sure as hell doesn't have to last
for very long
I just wanna write a song
about a 16 year old kid
not spending every night
wanting to die
but that won't happen so here's to tonight
another lonely living room fist fight
in my mind
and here's to those nights
that we all spent
wanting to die
and here's to that night
I told my mom to her face
I was ready for it
and here's to that night
I walked away from that bridge
after singing along
to johnny hobo near the train tracks
well I knew every song
and here's to that night
that you had a panic attack
in my guest bedroom
and here's to those countless nights
you've been spending
trapped in your room
and here's to the night
I spent in gym class
texting saying if I died
you would too
that's when I started to love you
and here's to the night
you swore I saved your life
with 40 pills in your hand
yelling
I THINK I'M READY FOR THIS
and I was there to give a shit
and here's to that night
where you freaked out
and you cut yourself
I saw that shit and can't help
but feel like it's my fault
so every time I see em I
feel sad and hate myself
so here's to all those fucking nights
all those shitty fucking nights
that make us wanna die
but all of those fucking nights
make me glad to be alive
cause we all survived
I'm so glad we survived
and it really shows how strong we all are
for being able to smile
for being able to laugh
for being able to cry
to not be void of everything
to say sometimes we genuinely don't wanna die
So I'm so god damn glad we survived
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6. |
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I know my songs aren't interesting
and I know no one is listening
cause no one wants to hear
me talk about myself
and no one wants to hear
a song about someone else
about people that they don't know
I don't have a story to tell
I don't have struggles, my life was swell
I'm just lonely, stupid, and angry
And I wanna yell
some shitty half assed words
with some shitty half ass chords
to a room full no one
with my phone on record
and I don't know how to act
and I don't know how to stand
and I sure as hell don't know how to dance
but I swear to god I try my best
or at least sometimes I try my best
well I don't really try my best
but who cares, if I'm trying?
cause I just wanna scream
and I just wanna sing
and I hope someone's listening
cause maybe they can relate to my bullshit
but I'm sorry I'm not interesting
and I'm sorry that I can't sing
and I'm sorry that I'm not really trying
but I really think I need this songs
no I don't need someone to singalong
I just need some way to let the bad shit out
without self loathing in my bedroom
and without complaining in a chat room
and without fucking up
I know these don't mean anything
and I know they don't make your ears ring
but at this point I'm just trying anything
to make the haze go away
to save that shit for another day
to affect myself in a positive way
One day I hope I don't need to sing
and one day I hope I don't need to yell
I just want a shitty hobby
I just want some form of fun
I just want an excuse
to stop myself from buying a gun
but I guess right now this is all I got
but I'm sorry that I don't rock
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7. |
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a whole damn life of mediocrity
with stupid and misplaced dreams
do I actually think I'll really be a singer?
and every day, I go to school
I hate people, well that ain't cool
and then I get home and ask about dinner
I'm fat, I'm lazy, I'm insecure
and I think it's fair to call me queer
but at least I'm somewhat self aware
I'm crazy, I'm lonely, I'm fucking mad
and every damn thing makes me sad
but at least I think I'm somewhat self aware
and I talk about myself too much
and I write music but I know my songs suck
and I know you lie to me when you say I rock
but at least I'm self aware enough
to realize that I'm just a stupid drunken teenage fuck
cause tonight that's all I'll ever be
and tonight I'm just fucking up
all I've been doing is fucking up
but I honestly don't give a fuck
and I will die a stupid drunk
with a 40 in my hand
near a train or a bridge or a gun
and maybe sometimes I don't wanna die
cause I can't even fucking cry
and half the shit I say is a fucking lie
but my hardest thing to do is to say goodbye
so I guess I'll stick around
and I keep my feet on the ground
cause I don't got real problems anyway
but I still end up waiting for that day
where I die
where I die
where I die
WHERE I DIE!
and I really fucking hope that you don't cry
but you might
yeah you might
yeah you might
yeah you might
YEAH YOU MIGHT!
So I guess I won't fucking say goodbye tonight!
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8. |
KYS Song
02:44
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No longer can a song
make me wanna cry
even though my life's been filled
with things that make me
wanna die
and I know that I'm evil
and I know that I'm dumb
and I've never done anything
to deserve someone's love
all I ever do is lay around
surrounded by my problems
but never getting up
and all I had to do was run
but instead I'm sitting down
and singing this stupid song
and you're telling me
that I did nothing wrong
like I never deserve that
but you know that I'm fat
and you know that I'm lazy
and I know that it's justified
and I'm feeling kinda crazy
and I think I should of lied
but everything's
got me down
and I can't live
without a frown
but right now I feel like shit
and I'm acting like such a dick
And maybe I'd be better off
if I stopped pretending
start to scream and yell
say hello to hell
go outside and get a gun
see some cops
and then I run
stomp into the kitchen
stopping my bitchin
take that fucking gun
no more time for fun
put it to my fucking head
screaming that I'm better off dead
saying that you shouldn't care
we're only friends cause of our hair
looking up at the sky
cause I'm ready to die
one damn click and now we're done
had no one to call hun
and now I'm cold and still
and I guess that was the end
well that was pretty shit
I hope that never happens
I hope I never feel like that
but I'm pretty sad and
I feel like
I lost my friend
but I hope that you're alright
and I hope you don't
wanna die
but it's alright I guess
these thoughts I can suppress
with songs or food or something
well usually there's something
but I'll be alright
I hope I can stand this life
for as long as you want me to
but just so that you know
I still love you dude
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9. |
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well my friend
is getting a job
so I guess I'll never see him again
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
and I'll probably
never make more friends
cause I'm a sad sack of shit
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
and I left my Milwaukee home
to move to New Mexico
but it's still just as bad
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
And you claimed that
you saved my life
but I still wanna die
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
and one of my friends
she talks less to me
and that shit gets me lonely
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
but I don't blame her
I know she's fucking sad
but I'm still fucking angry
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
and I know I'll
never write a song
where someone sings along
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
and I made an album
out of my bad thoughts
but those bad thoughts still exist
oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
But at least
I finally
got off my fucking ass
and joined the fucking mass
of sad sacks of shit
full of whiny guys who act like dicks
to their best friends
full of people with their guitars
looking up at the stars
they all wanna die
and soooo do I
but it's alright
cause motherfucker we're crying tonight
but oh well
oh hoh well
what the fuck can I do?
nothin
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10. |
Prescribed Pillhead
02:11
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they'll kill you for not standing in line
or they'll control your fucking mind
or do something so terrible you can't think
you can't think
they'll shoot you for being mad
at the fucked up shit that makes you sad
they'll tell you you're sick and need help
they'll change you for being fast
not caring, about the bullcrap
directing your attention elsewhere
they'll say that you're an outcast
they'll sell you something to last
you years, it'll fix that
they'll keep you down and around
they'll fuck up your head till you don't frown
you'll wear a hospital gown
but I'm sick of the shit they make us do
and I'm sick of these feelings we're going through
and I'm sick of all of you
and you think that you're smarter than all of us
you tell us that we're all fucked up
you're saying that it's wrong to cry
you'll control us, or you'll let us die
but there's an escape my friend
we can be together till the end
and it'll be in our control
those fuckers will never know
we can't beat it
so we run, we run (repeat)
and we can't change shit
so we take a loaded gun
and click, we're done
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